The Wandering Zepps are still wondering. That is, wondering how in the hell exactly to turn this dream (of mine) into a reality.
We spent the weekend in Asheville, NC, attending a yurt building workshop given by Laurel Nest Yurts (www.laurelnestyurts.com). Actually, it wasn't so much about the workshop as it was about staying in a yurt and trying to win D over to the idea of living in one, ultimately.
No, I haven't given up my RV dream. I just think I need to work in stages. First, find somewhere cheap to stay and store our furniture while we sell our house. (Yurt.) Then, purchase RV after house sells. Take off in RV, but have some place (yurt) to come back to when we get the urge to come back.
And OK, if I have to be honest, while the idea of traveling around in a RV does appeal to me, the more important thing to me is spending more time with D & B. The next more important thing is finding something I'm actually passionate about to earn money doing.
Suffice it to say, I am *not* passionate about what I do today.
In fact, if I think too much about the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow my stomach will begin hurting. I've never been exactly thrilled about my choice of careers--I'm definitely not doing what I thought I'd be doing when I "grew up" (whatever THAT means)--but I've also never actively dreaded my job. And I actively dread my job these days. Because not only is the job itself mind-numbing and frustrating, but the person I work for is also mind-numbing and frustrating. And in charge of my bonus.
Not exactly a combination that elicits passion and drive. At least not from me.
However, I could see myself getting passionate about yurts. But more on that later. My Momdar tells me that the elder kids are getting ready to get into some sort of mischief. Must investigate.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Update
No, the Wandering Zepps have not simply wandered off. I've just been avoiding any real discussion because of all of this reality crap.
The reality of selling a house in a crappy market. The reality of needing some place to live while we try to sell the house because otherwise the house will look like a huge shithole whenever anyone comes to look at it. The reality of deciding which route to take. Etc.
What I've come up with so far is this: 1) Build a yurt. (If you don't know what a yurt is, visit http://laurelnest.com/ and educate yourself). 2) Put house up for sale. 3) Sell house. 4) Continue to stomach current job situation long enough to pay off bills. 4) Check out (which includes buying the RV and cruising for a few years).
Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught in everyone's "Oh, you must be crazy!" reaction and second-guess oneself. I have to constantly remind myself that one must really be the change one wants to see if one truly wants to see it. (Wow, that was a lot of ones! Did that sound awkward?)
Bottom line, I want out. And I want out now. Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future...
A quick shout out to my girlfriend Rayna, who is dealing with the impending death of her mother. The whole thing just fucking sucks and I wish I could do something to alleviate her grief.
The reality of selling a house in a crappy market. The reality of needing some place to live while we try to sell the house because otherwise the house will look like a huge shithole whenever anyone comes to look at it. The reality of deciding which route to take. Etc.
What I've come up with so far is this: 1) Build a yurt. (If you don't know what a yurt is, visit http://laurelnest.com/ and educate yourself). 2) Put house up for sale. 3) Sell house. 4) Continue to stomach current job situation long enough to pay off bills. 4) Check out (which includes buying the RV and cruising for a few years).
Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught in everyone's "Oh, you must be crazy!" reaction and second-guess oneself. I have to constantly remind myself that one must really be the change one wants to see if one truly wants to see it. (Wow, that was a lot of ones! Did that sound awkward?)
Bottom line, I want out. And I want out now. Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future...
A quick shout out to my girlfriend Rayna, who is dealing with the impending death of her mother. The whole thing just fucking sucks and I wish I could do something to alleviate her grief.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Plan. And the Opposition.
I'm amazed at the overwhelming opposition to my idea, especially from my family. I figured the people who knew me best would be the most unsurprised and the most excited for me. But that's not how it's gone so far. Lizzie wants not only nothing to do with this, she'd prefer me not leave until she's done with high school (two more years unless she works to graduate early). And not only would she prefer me not go off in a RV, she doesn't want me to move at all. Period. (More on why I'd move before doing the RV thing later.) Even William, the child who is most similar to me as far as a sense of adventure goes, has no interest and supports Lizzie's opposition to moving. I'm not sure I understand what's going on.
Had someone asked me, when I was in high school, if I wanted to go off and tour the continent, free of charge, with people I know and love, I'd have jumped all over the opportunity without a moment's hesitation. Of course I realize that my children are not me, but I'm nonetheless surprised by their reactions. As I mentioned before, Lizzie is currently being homeschooled. Can you imagine a better way to study American history, geography, literature, heck, even math (Please calculate the amount of fuel we'll need to budget for the next month if we plan to go here and here and here...) than seeing, exploring, and doing it all first hand? The entire continent as your classroom!
I can't.
But Lizzie, obviously, can.
But in all fairness, I've sorta thrown this idea at her full force the course of just the past few days. Hopefully she'll come around as we talk and plan more. If not, though, well, I guess I'll push out my launch date until she's done with high school and has a plan for what she'll do afterward. (Maybe she'll come traveling with me?!)
While all of that plays out, though, I think I have a plan to help facilitate my ultimate goal: I'd like to go ahead and buy a storage shed and begin to put those things we'd like to keep but can live without in it. Start gussying the house up for putting it on the market. (At the very least I need to paint the interior, spruce up the hardwoods, clean the carpets, and buy some new appliances. If there's time/money I'd like to remodel the two downstairs bathrooms and install new counter tops in the kitchen. Oh, and make some landscape changes.) Then, once it sells, we could rent an apartment or smaller house with a much smaller monthly payment. That way, as long as I remain employed we can put away, in theory, quite a bit of money towards our RV goal until such time as Lizzie is out on her own. In the event I don't remain employed (layoffs happen all the time around here), we could survive on just Donald's income until we either take off in the RV or I find another job/go back to school/what have you.
Bottom line, what makes me the most nervous in general is the fact that, should my employer decide to declare me redundant or simply unnecessary, I'm going to be a bind. We currently have to have two incomes to pay the mortgage and all the bills. I love the house, and all the space and amenities it affords, but I don't love feeling as though it's crushing the life out of me. So even if I don't head off in the RV anytime soon, I still need to do some major downsizing.
For those who haven't heard the story, I bought the house I bought so that my elderly (and now deceased) paternal grandmother could live with us. The house I owned previously wasn't big enough for all of us and the house Donald owned didn't have a downstairs bedroom. So we sold his house, rented my house out (sold it eventually), and bought this house: a four bedroom, three bathroom, 3000 sq ft, two-story home on a half-acre of land in a golf course community. (Yeah, never again will I live in a HOA-governed community, and especially one that involves a golf course!) And even though we currently have all three of my children living in it with us, it's still more house than I need. I'm a small house gal. I like bungalows and cottages. McMansion-types do nothing for me (even though I have to admit, it is sometimes nice to not be able to hear every little thing that goes on in every little part of the house).
Anyway, point is, we don't need a house that size and, should something happen to my job, we can't afford a house that size, so I want to do something about the situation. Ideally, and obviously, I want to buy a RV and live in it full-time until I've seen all I care to see, but until all the pieces fall into place to make that happen, I can at least work to extricate myself from my current housing and financial situation. (Unfortunately, Lizzie is equally opposed to my moving at all as she is going off in a RV--she's just going to have to get over that, though. Either that or be prepared to live under a bridge if I lost my job.)
Before I end my post, I want to address my aunt's comment on my previous post: No, I'm not unhappy. At least not on a personal or relationship level. Not in the least. My husband is my best friend, my children are my heart, and I have zero complaints about my personal growth and development. If I'm "unhappy" at all it is because of the precarious financial position I could very well find myself in if (when) the time comes that the company makes more cuts. And to be totally honest, I'm not exceptionally happy with doing what I'm doing anyway. I'd just as soon not do it, if I could afford not to do it. Instead, I'd prefer to spend my time enjoying the company of my husband and my children. Ideally we will eventually spend our time together traveling in a RV, but in the meantime, every day I spend working for The Man is one less day I've spent doing the things I feel are important, with the people who are important in my life.
Had someone asked me, when I was in high school, if I wanted to go off and tour the continent, free of charge, with people I know and love, I'd have jumped all over the opportunity without a moment's hesitation. Of course I realize that my children are not me, but I'm nonetheless surprised by their reactions. As I mentioned before, Lizzie is currently being homeschooled. Can you imagine a better way to study American history, geography, literature, heck, even math (Please calculate the amount of fuel we'll need to budget for the next month if we plan to go here and here and here...) than seeing, exploring, and doing it all first hand? The entire continent as your classroom!
I can't.
But Lizzie, obviously, can.
But in all fairness, I've sorta thrown this idea at her full force the course of just the past few days. Hopefully she'll come around as we talk and plan more. If not, though, well, I guess I'll push out my launch date until she's done with high school and has a plan for what she'll do afterward. (Maybe she'll come traveling with me?!)
While all of that plays out, though, I think I have a plan to help facilitate my ultimate goal: I'd like to go ahead and buy a storage shed and begin to put those things we'd like to keep but can live without in it. Start gussying the house up for putting it on the market. (At the very least I need to paint the interior, spruce up the hardwoods, clean the carpets, and buy some new appliances. If there's time/money I'd like to remodel the two downstairs bathrooms and install new counter tops in the kitchen. Oh, and make some landscape changes.) Then, once it sells, we could rent an apartment or smaller house with a much smaller monthly payment. That way, as long as I remain employed we can put away, in theory, quite a bit of money towards our RV goal until such time as Lizzie is out on her own. In the event I don't remain employed (layoffs happen all the time around here), we could survive on just Donald's income until we either take off in the RV or I find another job/go back to school/what have you.
Bottom line, what makes me the most nervous in general is the fact that, should my employer decide to declare me redundant or simply unnecessary, I'm going to be a bind. We currently have to have two incomes to pay the mortgage and all the bills. I love the house, and all the space and amenities it affords, but I don't love feeling as though it's crushing the life out of me. So even if I don't head off in the RV anytime soon, I still need to do some major downsizing.
For those who haven't heard the story, I bought the house I bought so that my elderly (and now deceased) paternal grandmother could live with us. The house I owned previously wasn't big enough for all of us and the house Donald owned didn't have a downstairs bedroom. So we sold his house, rented my house out (sold it eventually), and bought this house: a four bedroom, three bathroom, 3000 sq ft, two-story home on a half-acre of land in a golf course community. (Yeah, never again will I live in a HOA-governed community, and especially one that involves a golf course!) And even though we currently have all three of my children living in it with us, it's still more house than I need. I'm a small house gal. I like bungalows and cottages. McMansion-types do nothing for me (even though I have to admit, it is sometimes nice to not be able to hear every little thing that goes on in every little part of the house).
Anyway, point is, we don't need a house that size and, should something happen to my job, we can't afford a house that size, so I want to do something about the situation. Ideally, and obviously, I want to buy a RV and live in it full-time until I've seen all I care to see, but until all the pieces fall into place to make that happen, I can at least work to extricate myself from my current housing and financial situation. (Unfortunately, Lizzie is equally opposed to my moving at all as she is going off in a RV--she's just going to have to get over that, though. Either that or be prepared to live under a bridge if I lost my job.)
Before I end my post, I want to address my aunt's comment on my previous post: No, I'm not unhappy. At least not on a personal or relationship level. Not in the least. My husband is my best friend, my children are my heart, and I have zero complaints about my personal growth and development. If I'm "unhappy" at all it is because of the precarious financial position I could very well find myself in if (when) the time comes that the company makes more cuts. And to be totally honest, I'm not exceptionally happy with doing what I'm doing anyway. I'd just as soon not do it, if I could afford not to do it. Instead, I'd prefer to spend my time enjoying the company of my husband and my children. Ideally we will eventually spend our time together traveling in a RV, but in the meantime, every day I spend working for The Man is one less day I've spent doing the things I feel are important, with the people who are important in my life.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
For some time now I've been scheming about how to simplify my life, get out of the corporate world, and do things I actually enjoy doing, such as spending more time with my husband and children. I've contemplated building an earthship, living in a yurt, buying a mobile home, illegally immigrating to France and selling Eiffel tower keychains on the Champ de Mars--anything to make it happen. Of course, all of my ideas have a catch. For one, there's too much competition on the Champs de Mar. For two, I don't have land to build an earthship (or erect a yurt or pull a mobile home) on. To buy land, I'd have to have, essentially, a mortgage payment, which would mean a job, and since the only job I'm skilled to do is accounting, I'm pretty much stuck working for a corporation, so...as you can see, I'm back at square one. Plus, even if I were to be given land (my aunt has said I could build on her property--but no mobile homes, which means a fairly sizable chunk of debt still since I'm sure she wouldn't go for a yurt either), giving up my paychecks would mean that we'd be pretty much stuck. No extra funds for vacations and travel, and I love to travel, so that would be a huge bummer.
Well, this time I think I've found the solution! Full-time RVing! A much less expensive and certainly much simpler form of shelter combined with full-time vacation and travel. Why didn't I think of this before?! Donald is all for it, too. And Lizzie, now that she's decided to be homeschooled, could go, too, if she so chooses (and I hope she does). Benjamin, of course, would be along for the ride, as would both dogs. (For anyone who doesn't know me, I have a "his, mine, and ours" family: Benjamin is our three-year-old son; Lizzie is my 16-yr-old daughter from a previous marriage; "the dogs" are Shirley, a year-old standard poodle, and Sadie, a five-ish-month-old of uncertain ancestry [i.e. the rescue dog I had to get for, among other reasons, assuaging the guilt I felt for buying the poodle from a breeder]. I have another child, William, who is 20 and currently living at home and going to school full-time. He has a steady girlfriend and plans to move out on his own sometime in the next year so he won't be coming with us. Donald has three grown children, Elizabeth, Ian, and Alex, all of whom live elsewhere with families of their own.)
Now...all I have to do is make it work. I just have to come up with a plan and turn my dream into reality.
And that's the hard part. I love having ideas but man, I suck at making plans! When I do things, I often do what "seems" like the right thing to do without too much forethought. Sometimes, fortunately, for me and those around me, I do more or less get it right using this method, but I fully recognize that going off half-cocked has its risks. But my other "planning" technique is not much better. Rather than going out and doing something without too much forethought, I instead become as obsessed about it as an OCD sufferer at a card counting convention. I will research the subject to death only to then say "Meh, to hell with it" when the research process begins to feel like work. Or...I research it to death and get so caught up in that process that I second guess myself about every little thing and end up living my dream in my mind only.
Any way you look at it, my usual M.O. isn't going to work here. I need to achieve that normally elusive (for me) balance of reality checking and planning with just getting the hell out there and doing it.
It has only been one day since this particular light bulb went off in my head and I'm definitely headed down the obsessed path. My current wallpaper is a picture of an Airstream motorhome, I have at least six websites dedicated to the subject of full-time RVing, and I've joined my first forum (FOTR--Families on the Road). I've even learned some new weblingo! (E.g. "s&b" means "sticks and bricks" or what those poor saps who live in one place all the time call home; "roadschooling" is what would be known as homeschooling to those who live in s&bs.)
I also started a "do you think you could..." discussion on my favorite mommy google group, and been met with lots of "Are you !@$%ing crazy?!" reactions.* Which I completely expected, but not out of this particular group. I mean, if the crazies think you're crazy, you might want to seriously question your sanity, right? But...I think it's important to keep in mind that most of these women are fairly newly married, still in the acquisition phase of life, and have small children only. I've always had more than a goodly share of wanderlust (Right behind my childhood dream of being a jockey was a dream of joining the circus. One year I almost talked myself into stealing away backstage when my parents weren't looking.), but had someone asked me five years into my first marriage would I want to get rid of all of my possessions and take off on the road permanently with a small child I'd have laughed heartily at such an insane suggestion and then recommended a good therapist for the asker.
But that was then, this is now. And now I've had about all of the possessions I can stand (and certainly more than I can afford). I'm acutely aware of how quickly children grow and how drastically and irrevocably life changes. I have a finite amount of time I'm working with here and at this point I'm not digging how I'm spending it. (An older husband and a round of chemo and radiation really go a long way toward driving that point home.)
Not to mention, at my core, I'm a bum. I enjoy just sitting around and daydreaming. I pine for days of doing nothing but reading books, or taking hikes, or pondering things I've never pondered before. I relish opportunities to have the time and freedom to pursue obsessions. I always have. It's why I identify with (and have become obsessed by) The Big Lebowski. The Dude is what I want to be when I grow up. I want to enjoy life. And not life that thing I have to do everyday to accumulate and maintain the requisite inanimate objects that ensure I have to do the thing I have to do everyday, but life itself. Seeing, doing, being, experiencing, enjoying. Living.
Not that I don't like my inanimate objects, because FSM knows, I sure enough do. I like my things and I like a lot of them. I have spent the past 20+ years in hot pursuit of as many as I can get my hands on. And it will be tough giving them up, there's no question about that. A good book, on a comfy sofa, in a nice house, by the fire, stereo playing, kids elsewhere playing is my idea of a fine time. RVs ain't got fires. Nor can the kids play elsewhere much in one, since there isn't much to elsewhere to be had. I might be crazy, but I'm still mostly in touch with reality. I certainly do like my house (though not necessarily its locations--the 'burbs just aren't for me), and my space, and the stuff in my space. But...I like my husband and my kids and my freetime a lot more.
So, back where I started this: I want to be a gypsy. I want a simple life. I want to see new things and meet new people. I want to be The Dude. But married, with children, in an RV. (And female, of course.) I invite you to join my journey.
*The answer, of course, is yes.
Well, this time I think I've found the solution! Full-time RVing! A much less expensive and certainly much simpler form of shelter combined with full-time vacation and travel. Why didn't I think of this before?! Donald is all for it, too. And Lizzie, now that she's decided to be homeschooled, could go, too, if she so chooses (and I hope she does). Benjamin, of course, would be along for the ride, as would both dogs. (For anyone who doesn't know me, I have a "his, mine, and ours" family: Benjamin is our three-year-old son; Lizzie is my 16-yr-old daughter from a previous marriage; "the dogs" are Shirley, a year-old standard poodle, and Sadie, a five-ish-month-old of uncertain ancestry [i.e. the rescue dog I had to get for, among other reasons, assuaging the guilt I felt for buying the poodle from a breeder]. I have another child, William, who is 20 and currently living at home and going to school full-time. He has a steady girlfriend and plans to move out on his own sometime in the next year so he won't be coming with us. Donald has three grown children, Elizabeth, Ian, and Alex, all of whom live elsewhere with families of their own.)
Now...all I have to do is make it work. I just have to come up with a plan and turn my dream into reality.
And that's the hard part. I love having ideas but man, I suck at making plans! When I do things, I often do what "seems" like the right thing to do without too much forethought. Sometimes, fortunately, for me and those around me, I do more or less get it right using this method, but I fully recognize that going off half-cocked has its risks. But my other "planning" technique is not much better. Rather than going out and doing something without too much forethought, I instead become as obsessed about it as an OCD sufferer at a card counting convention. I will research the subject to death only to then say "Meh, to hell with it" when the research process begins to feel like work. Or...I research it to death and get so caught up in that process that I second guess myself about every little thing and end up living my dream in my mind only.
Any way you look at it, my usual M.O. isn't going to work here. I need to achieve that normally elusive (for me) balance of reality checking and planning with just getting the hell out there and doing it.
It has only been one day since this particular light bulb went off in my head and I'm definitely headed down the obsessed path. My current wallpaper is a picture of an Airstream motorhome, I have at least six websites dedicated to the subject of full-time RVing, and I've joined my first forum (FOTR--Families on the Road). I've even learned some new weblingo! (E.g. "s&b" means "sticks and bricks" or what those poor saps who live in one place all the time call home; "roadschooling" is what would be known as homeschooling to those who live in s&bs.)
I also started a "do you think you could..." discussion on my favorite mommy google group, and been met with lots of "Are you !@$%ing crazy?!" reactions.* Which I completely expected, but not out of this particular group. I mean, if the crazies think you're crazy, you might want to seriously question your sanity, right? But...I think it's important to keep in mind that most of these women are fairly newly married, still in the acquisition phase of life, and have small children only. I've always had more than a goodly share of wanderlust (Right behind my childhood dream of being a jockey was a dream of joining the circus. One year I almost talked myself into stealing away backstage when my parents weren't looking.), but had someone asked me five years into my first marriage would I want to get rid of all of my possessions and take off on the road permanently with a small child I'd have laughed heartily at such an insane suggestion and then recommended a good therapist for the asker.
But that was then, this is now. And now I've had about all of the possessions I can stand (and certainly more than I can afford). I'm acutely aware of how quickly children grow and how drastically and irrevocably life changes. I have a finite amount of time I'm working with here and at this point I'm not digging how I'm spending it. (An older husband and a round of chemo and radiation really go a long way toward driving that point home.)
Not to mention, at my core, I'm a bum. I enjoy just sitting around and daydreaming. I pine for days of doing nothing but reading books, or taking hikes, or pondering things I've never pondered before. I relish opportunities to have the time and freedom to pursue obsessions. I always have. It's why I identify with (and have become obsessed by) The Big Lebowski. The Dude is what I want to be when I grow up. I want to enjoy life. And not life that thing I have to do everyday to accumulate and maintain the requisite inanimate objects that ensure I have to do the thing I have to do everyday, but life itself. Seeing, doing, being, experiencing, enjoying. Living.
Not that I don't like my inanimate objects, because FSM knows, I sure enough do. I like my things and I like a lot of them. I have spent the past 20+ years in hot pursuit of as many as I can get my hands on. And it will be tough giving them up, there's no question about that. A good book, on a comfy sofa, in a nice house, by the fire, stereo playing, kids elsewhere playing is my idea of a fine time. RVs ain't got fires. Nor can the kids play elsewhere much in one, since there isn't much to elsewhere to be had. I might be crazy, but I'm still mostly in touch with reality. I certainly do like my house (though not necessarily its locations--the 'burbs just aren't for me), and my space, and the stuff in my space. But...I like my husband and my kids and my freetime a lot more.
So, back where I started this: I want to be a gypsy. I want a simple life. I want to see new things and meet new people. I want to be The Dude. But married, with children, in an RV. (And female, of course.) I invite you to join my journey.
*The answer, of course, is yes.
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